Added: Westen Bradbury - Date: 04.12.2021 07:39 - Views: 22683 - Clicks: 9726
Crushes can be all-consuming — even when we know someone is unavailable, or perhaps just not the best fit for us, it can be hard to get rid of those intense feelings. Oftentimes, we simply can't help who we fall for, so if you're hoping to squash your crush once and for all, you might have no idea where to begin, especially if you're crushing on someone who you have to see often or who is taken by someone else.
INSIDER spoke with three relationship experts who gave us the lowdown on how to get over that unrequited love, in a way that is both healthy and productive. Getting swept up in a crush can make us feel out of control, but one of the best ways to get a handle on those feelings and heal from them is to get them out there by talking to someone you trust — a friend or family member that won't judge your feelings, or a d therapist or counselor are all great options. In other cases, having a sounding board for guidance can help to work through finding a solution so you can either fix your own issue or fix the issues in your relationship by returning to the other person with a suggestion for moving forward.
Opening up about your feelings with someone can help by hearing about things they've learned in the love department, too. Shane told us that "it can also get you the opportunity to learn from them about their past and current relationships," helping you gather a bit of outside perspective. I recommend keeping a note in your phone about the person you're crushing on.
Write the date and then write out what's going on, how you're feeling, what you're happy with, frustrated with, wishing was different. Then go back and keep adding to it as the days go on.
Keeping an ongoing note is one of the greatest techniques to help you see the real truth of your crush or relationship. The harsh reality is that if you can avoid seeing or talking to your crush, you should. This can be tougher if you live near them, work with them, or travel in the same social circles, but minimizing your time with them is often the first step to begin healing.
It can be so easy to continue to rely on a crush that the habit will outweigh the plan to try to stop," said Shane. Have friends with you to keep you from interacting with your crush and to support you. This may be a good opportunity to check in with yourself — are you going out of your way in the hopes that you'll run into them? Social media makes it next to impossible to cut off contact with someone you're crushing on, but unfollowing, unfriending, or even blocking the person might just be the best way to prevent those mindless late-night scroll sessions through their feeds.
What are some activities, adventures, explorations you'd love to discover? Make some new choices — even something as simple as taking a different route to work, buying yourself flowers for, learning to cook some amazing meals, traveling somewhere alone … you get the idea. This is a great way to meet new people, but not necessarily for romantic gain," she added. You'll find out new talents you didn't know you had and you'll be getting to know new people, which can fill your social schedule and help mask the feelings of longing for your ex until your heart readjusts to focus elsewhere.
Meeting new people isn't easy for most of us, but now is the perfect opportunity to meet new people, just try not to put pressure on yourself to fall for someone. Try this: intentionally go out and talk with people you would normally never speak with for whatever reason … Start talking with all kinds of people so you can feel what a real connection feels like free from the attraction.
Crushes can be intense — there's a reason why they're called crushes, after all. But when you're ready to focus on moving on, you should first start by simply feeling your feelings.
Mattenson agreed, noting that it can be helpful to "notice if you're feeling one of the four main emotions — mad, glad, sad, or scared — or a combo of more than one emotion. Notice the thoughts running through your mind.
Are your thoughts contributing to your happiness and well-being, or are they making you feel awful? Make the choice to pivot your thinking into something productive and positive that moves you closer to your relationship goals. Keep reminding yourself that these feelings are likely temporary and will pass soon, no matter how hard you're crushing right now. No matter how fast or slow they're going, they're still moving.
You've got this. One of the best parts of having a crush is being able to live in a fantasy, but being in a real relationship with someone is always far less glamorous. This makes you very aware so you only invest your time in getting to know people who fit your goals. Mattenson agreed, adding, "Practice being the absolute best, unapologetic, loving, honest version of yourself possible. When you get back into the dating arena it's the perfect time to practice speaking your truth with kindness so that if the love of your life does show up, you've been practicing being your true self in all interactions.
Remember to be patient with and kind to yourself.
World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options. Get the Insider App. A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation. Arielle Tschinkel. When getting over a crush, it's important to talk about your feelings or write them down. Picking up a new hobby or hanging out with friends can also help. Take the time to focus on you. Talk your feelings out with someone you trust.
Write it all out if you're uncomfortable expressing your emotions to someone else. You should ideally cut off contact with your crush altogether.
If you can't avoid seeing them, come up with a preparation plan for when you do need to interact. Start hitting that unfollow button. Pick up that new workout class you've been meaning to try or learn that skill you've been meaning to tackle. Branch out socially with no expectations for romance.
Allow yourself to "feel your feelings," and minimize judgment if you're not moving on as quickly as you think you should. Then, remind yourself that feelings always pass. Remember that no one is perfect. If you're looking to find someone new, be honest with yourself and with future crushes. Most of all, be kind to yourself. Love Evergreen story.How to get over a guy that likes someone else
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