Added: Alonda Melillo - Date: 23.09.2021 18:21 - Views: 14656 - Clicks: 2180
Posted February 13, Reviewed by Ekua Hagan. Many people I know snicker at the Vows feature in The New York Timesespecially those entries that focus on the weddings of two ambitious, Type-A personalities, both of whom launched their own hedge funds or internet companies, but only after they built a hospital in a third-world country with their bare hands.
But the latest Vows column was very different, breaking throughout the usual jaded snark with its earnest romanticism between two decidedly normal people. More specifically, it spoke to those of us who are more likely these days to meet someone special online, regardless of where they might live in the real world, and then deal with the unusual circumstances that follow.
Their online connection endured through life changes high school, college, jobs and real-life romantic partners, until finally they met nine years later for a long weekend in Seattle, which culminated in a kiss they had both been anticipating literally for years. This struck a particular chord with me because I have had several experiences like theirs, in which I would meet someone online, correspond with her and grow closer over some length of time, and not meet her until we had developed an emotional or romantic connection.
Never did I have to wait nine years! Sometimes the other person and I would feel the same way, whether we were overwhelmed or underwhelmed; and even worse than both of us being disappointed was when one of us would be thrilled while the other was not, which would eventually result in hurt feelings on both sides. The first time I Falling for someone online an online love it was magic, and as a longtime romantic, I simply assumed it would feel like that every time. So I was shocked when the second time I met someone I had connected with online, there was no magic, no spark, none of what I was so sure would happen because it had happened once before.
On the bright side, she and I have been good friends ever since. And the couple more times I have met someone online and then met in person some time later, the experience has been somewhere in between the first and second times—some spark but not fireworks.
I have remained close friends with both of them too. Part of me always knew I would. The way someone laughs, the way they move their hands when they talk, the way their body moves when they walk… all of these little details are part of what makes a person, and they are more important than we may think. It may be true that you learn the most important things about another person by talking to them, even over Skype or FaceTime, but there is so much more to learn about somebody from seeing and hearing them in person.
Some things are conscious, such as how they look or sound, and others are unconscioussuch as the body chemistry that can draw us to other people on a more primal level.
As ethereal and ideal as we may think love is, there is also an animal aspect to it that responds to physical aspects of other people that we may not even notice. These seemingly trivial things flesh out the person we get to know online, and may end up determining whether that online connection becomes a love affair or a long-lasting friendship or both in real life.
But not all do, as my experiences clearly show. Do I regret any of my experiences? In general, no. Also, they were marvelous experiences of getting to know another person and growing more intimate with each other over time. Any physical component of the relationship is delayed, of course, but other than that, this way of getting together, with its positive and negative sides, is not all that different from traditional relationships that begin in the real world not all of which work out in the long run either. This way of meeting people and forming connections is not for everyone, though.
But these stories, both theirs Falling for someone online mine, also show us that as well as we think we can know someone from online chats, phone calls, and Skype, there are still aspects of them we can never know until we meet.
This represents a risk inherent in this kind of relationship: having your expectations raised due to an intense online connection, only to have them crash to the ground after a disappointing real-life meeting. This is more likely to happen, and likely to be more serious, the longer you and your online love wait to meet. They can be marvelous experiences while they last. In the case of online relationships, you do get to know a lot about each other, but you may still idealize the rest, including the aspects of them that might make the difference when you meet between fireworks and heartbreak.
Mark D. White Ph. Maybe It's Just Me, But Falling in Love Online: Romantic or Risky? Online relationships can be thrilling and rewarding, but you need to be careful.
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Is It Possible to Fall in Love With Someone You Have Only Met Online?